Comments: plaidder@mindspring.com
Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You have stolen my bit. Prepare to die.
Well, of course that's not really fair. It is true that *The Mask of Zorro* owes much to *The Princess Bride,* and if we come to that it owes a fair amount to *Xena, Warrior Princess.* But of course Inigo Montoya's character wasn't original either; he was an homage to a whole tradition of vendetta-crazed swashbuckling sword-slingin' Spaniards that goes back past the original Zorro, reaching at least to the eighteenth century and the figure of Don Juan. So this film is borrowing from what was already a borrowing from the tradition that included the films of which this one is a remake. It's enough to make your head hurt. But what really matters is that, while this is definitely a film with fairly low ambitions in terms of what it wants to do, it does what it does extremely well.
There are actually two Zorros in this film--Diego de la Veda, played by Anthony Hopkins, and Alejandro Murietta, played by Antonio Banderas. The film starts with the last battle of Diego, the original Zorro. While in the process of rescuing three peasants about to be executed by the evil Spanish governor Montera, Diego is saved from ambush by the young Alejandro and his brother Joachim, who push a big statue onto a bunch of Spanish soldiers who are shooting at him. Zorro thanks the two kids, gives his special medallion to one of them as a thank-you present, and takes off for his hideout where his beautiful wife Esperanza is taking care of their beautiful daughter Elena. Well, retirement doesn't pan out quite as Diego planned, and twenty years and some heinous reversals of fortune later he runs into Alejandro again, whose brother has been killed by one of the evil governor's lackeys. Diego agrees to train Alejandro up as the new Zorro so he can avenge his brother and frustrate the designs of the evil governor (who has now come back to California after 20 years in Spain), and we got ourselves a movie.
The *Princess Bride* echoes are pretty obvious, and in some cases pretty specific. Diego first comes upon Alejandro while he's drunk and frustrated in a bar, much the way Fezzik finds Inigo after their initial mission goes awry; Alejandro, on his first big exploit as Zorro, is almost foiled by a giant in a fight scene that looked a lot like the one between Wesley and Fezzik; and when Alejandro's got the mask but no hat, he's a dead ringer for Wesley as the Man in Black. And of course Alejandro, like Inigo, has one goal in mind, and that's to slit up a treat the man who killed one of his kin. There are, however, two important differences. One: as played my Mandy Patinkin, Inigo was cute, but he was never sexy; Alejandro is, at least once he starts shaving. Two: Inigo is already a master swordsman when we meet him; we get to watch Alejandro go through basic training, which is really the best part of the film. Liza and I agreed that the best segment of the movie is Alejandro's first masked exploit, in which he sets out to steal a black stallion to be his trusty steed. He does all kinds of Xena-style gymnastics very well, and there's a way cool swordfight that incorporates elements of Morris dancing (don't ask), but a lot goes wrong, and it's pretty funny. The best part is that the stallion never really becomes a trusty steed; even after Alejandro's gotten a lot better at being Zorro, the horse continues to screw him up and screw him over every once in a while. Alejandro is my kind of action hero--buff yet vulnerable, with a much better developed sense of irony than, say, Schwarzenegger ever seems to have at his command, and I don't know what it is, but I'm a sucker for a good swordfight, and this film's got plenty of 'em. He's funny, engaging, and very sympathetic, and it makes the movie a treat to watch.
What I imagine y'all will be more interested in is the Diego/Alejandro dynamic, which involves a lot of dominance/submission stuff including whips, candlewax, and a lot of black leather. If only Anthony Hopkins weren't so old, this movie would become a slash genre all by itself. Not to mention the ambiguously masculine and interestingly named Captain Love, the Anglo mercenary who's responsible for Alejandro's brother's death. With long blond hair, slight build, and a quiet and self-contained demeanor concealing a serious psycho streak, he's an interesting point in this little homoerotic system, which also includes the slightly dandyish but always dignified Spanish governor Montera. Sure, the movie *says* he was in love with Diego's wife, but we know different. Throw in a whole lotta scenes in which one guy has the point of his sword at another one's throat while both of them breathe heavy, and I think this thing has even Xena beat for subtext.
Of course, given all that, Zorro's gotta have a love interest. She's about what you'd expect. It's true they did her the courtesy of making her a skilled swordswoman and fiery and passionate rather than faint and yielding, but otherwise she's mainly a prop for Alejandro. The scene in which she confesses to Alejandro, thinking he's really her family priest, while funny, is unforgivable in that we're asked to believe she's so dim that she never catches on despite Alejandro's consistently unpriestly responses. And in the end...but that way lie spoilers. Let's just say that for the sake of a rousing finish, the producers have Zorro do something that is reckless, stupid, and very much out of character which violates the Superhero Code by endangering a huge number of poor and innocent bystanders. All in all, though, it's a good flick, and if you see it, it will make you laugh and forget your cares.
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