Comments: plaidder@mindspring.com
All of these reviews contain spoilers. To avoid being spoiled it's best just to click on the links below and go to the episode you want rather than scrolling through the whole page. Also, I never am able to find out what the actual titles are, so I make up my own. However, the made up titles usually have something to do with the plot. If the title makes no sense whatsoever, that means you probably haven't seen that episode and if you read it you will probably be spoiled.
SHORT STORY: Nope. Not good enough.
I mean, OK, there are some
THINGS THAT COULD SUCK WORSE:
However, when I try to think of
THINGS THAT ARE ACTUALLY GOOD/INTRIGUING:
I'm stumped. Seriously. I can't think of anything about either of these episodes that would interest me in the slightest if I hadn't already been following the show for years.
And when you come to the list of
THINGS THAT ARE VISIBLY DETERIORATING:
there's a lot on it. For instance:
1) The quality of the writing/plotting. I won't rehearse my rant about the cheesy voiceovers again, but my God, the dialogue, what of the dialogue? Take this exchange from Scully and Doggett:
DOGGETT: Suppose you did find Mulder out here, what would you do?
SCULLY: What Agent Mulder would do. Whatever it took!
What the fuck does that *mean?* As far as I can tell, Doggett is asking a perfectly legitimate question. Scully is standing alone in the middle of the Arizona desert without so much as a bottle of water, waiting for what she believes is a giant alien mothership to return. What *is* she going to do if the thing comes back? Shoot out its tires with her FBI-issue handgun? And why is she under the impression that she can find Mulder by standing amidst the chapparal and yelling his name really, really loudly?
Grr. "Whatever it took!" What is she going to do, cry on them?
And while we're on the subject of plot holes, allow me to point out just a few of the unanswered questions this two-parter raises:
1) Why is there a school for the deaf in the middle of the Arizona desert?
2) Why is the obviously non-deaf Gibson in it?
3) Even if Mulder thought he was dying, why would he have asked the
tombstone makers to incise the end date on his tombstone? Was he planning
to update it yearly in case of his unexpected survival?
4) Why hasn't Kirsch closed the X-files yet, since he is obviously hostile
to them?
5) How come this alien blood has become markedly less toxic than it used to
be? Or is it just that Scully is immortal?
2) Characterization. As far as I am concerned, Doggett is only a marginal improvement over Spender. I find the actor himself much less annoying, and that's something. However, Doggett is a stock character, and is not inspiring the writers to great heights. I offer this excerpt as evidence:
SKINNER: You're being used as a pawn in a crooked game.
DOGGETT: All right, you've painted me the picture, now put it in a frame.
Gag me with a hardboiled detective. Meanwhile Scully appears to be in permanent PMS mode, oscillating between anger and tears as she stomps all over the desert in search of Mulder. OK, she's upset. But now that she's taken over the believer position, all of the problems with the way they always wrote Mulder are colonizing her character. The major one being that logic is playing a smaller and smaller role in her life. Witness her sudden epiphany at the Lone Gunmen's hideout. "They're after Gibson Prayse!" Of course they are...what else is there in the American Southwest, after all?
3) Subplots. Mulder was dying, huh. Clear evidence of his decline, huh. He was hiding this on the job and from Scully and from the viewers how, exactly?
Put that donut back in the box, Chris! You haven't cleaned your plate yet.
4) The Alien Space Ship Snuffalupagus.
Pl. EASE.
5) The cinematography/direction.
Things that are already beaten into the ground at Week 2 include: the red "womb" filter through which Scully is now so frequently shot; dramatic shots of apparently dead people suddenly opening their eyes; that "unearthly" female vocalist whose stylings run the risk of becoming "Love Theme from X-Files"; and "SCULLY!" "MULDER!" "SKINNER!" "GIBSON!"
6) Ability to maintain my interest.
Basically, I want to find out how the mythology all ends just because I've got so much invested in it now. But I have absolutely no desire to watch Scully and Doggett take on monsters of the week, which looks like what we'll be getting next. In addition, I think it was a mistake to show us so much about what's happening to Mulder. OK, it's nasty; but it's not particularly interest-generating. Meanwhile they appear to be stalling for as long as possible on the question of who/what fathered Scully's fetus, which is smart because that's about the only thing I'm still curious about, and I'm sure I'm not alone.
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