LADIES:
Woohoo! Michelle Kwan! Woohoo!
If she hadn't won, we would have been very outraged. We both think that in terms of the total package, Kwan is much better than Irina "Sloppy" Slutskaya, who certainly can jump and has a certain amount of on-ice personality but is obviously not the same kind of performer--and she really skated to her full potential this time, as opposed to a lot of the other competitions we've seen, where we felt like we'd seen her better. I really like the program too, and I respect her for picking more difficult music. Liza was very impressed with "Song of the Black Swan" because of the cello stuff in it. I just like it because it gives her more room for interesting choreography than, say, Don Quixote would. I mean, how many different ways can you flip your hand flirtatiously in the air?
Speaking of Don Quixote, neither of us could understand Sarah Hughes's marks. We both thought she deserved more than she got. Not, of course, enough to unseat the fabulous Michelle; but she is definitely improving both technically and artistically, and I didn't feel that she got properly rewarded for that program. In terms of artistry, she's better than Irina, and in terms of technical merit you could argue she's approaching Kwan (especially since she has a layback that won't quit, as opposed to Kwan's which is merely good). Guess she just hasn't paid her dues yet.
Poor old Angela Nicodinov. So close.
PAIRS:
Well, glad as I was to see Sale and Pelletier win (if only for the footage of their complete emotional explosion afterward), there is a nagging doubt in my mind as to whether Shen and Zhao might have deserved it. I'm perfectly happy to see them bury Bereshnaya and Sikuralidzev, whose program has never impressed me the way it impresses Peggy Fleming. (I mean, OK, it's cute. But to hear Peggy talk about it you'd think they had discovered a new chemical element.) But even if their artistry is not up to S&P's standard, it's good enough, and when it comes to technical elements, DAMN! I'm with Peter Carruthers, who keeps exploding in astonishment and delight every time they do a throw jump. "Look at that coverage across the ice!" No shit! I was very startled not to see any 6.0s in the technical marks, especially as they were skating last. I mean, for crying out loud, what are these people waiting for? Actual flight?
As for Ina and Zimmerman...man, we shouldn't even *send* teams to these things, we are so not in the big leagues.
MEN'S:
Let us all have a moment of silence for Yagudin's hopes of a Worlds victory. Thank you.
I felt like the commentator team was too hard on him--they kept saying how when he's on, he's unbeatable, but he "wasn't on." I thought he was about as on as you could reasonably expect a guy who couldn't feel most of his right foot to be. It's a shame about the injury, for him but also for me and, I would imagine, loads of other Yagudin fans who were really looking forward to seeing him bring down the house. The whole year he's been saying, "I will be ready at Worlds! Arrrrrgh!" and now as it turns out, he's not. But I thought he did a great job of fighting through the program anyway, and you could tell the crowd was with him even if the judges couldn't be.
I just barely got a glimpse, as they all headed out to the warm up, of my favorite Russian fashion criminal, Alexander Apt, in an unbelievably hideous gladiator suit. I'm glad I didn't have to watch that. I am sad that I missed Eldredge, although I caught the short program, which provided many moments of unintentional humor.
Eldredge's short program was indeed impressive, but I was nagged throughout by the feeling that I had heard this music somewhere before, and was trying my damndest to place it...and then, as he heads into that final spin, the choral part kicked in. It's hard to appreciate his fabulous spinning technique when you're yelling, "Oh my GOD, it's 'Duel of the Fates!'" and laughing your ass off as you watch a guy pouring his heart out in drama to music that you associate with the Sith Academy.
Missed Goebels too. Not too broken up over it.
I did, unfortunately, catch Elvis, who needs to just go pro and get over it. I'm sorry; I loved the guy in his prime; but his prime is over, and it's time for him to just go on tour and give us something to watch aside from Victor Petrenko in a dress. Anyhow, I guess it's in character for him to want to do a Gladiator program; but if I were the guys, I would not go anywhere near that music until Yagudin retires his Gladiator program.
I am very vexed with ABC for not broadcasting all the exhibition programs. Especially since that meant that the only man they showed was Pleshenko, and...
No. No, I won't even go there.
Oh what the hell, I will:
The first time I saw Pleshenko skate this year was at the Grand Prix. In that competition they set it up so that the top two finishers in each area go head to head in a special second round, which means the top two skaters do two programs. Pleshenko's first program was done to , I believe, Spanish guitar music with some other stuff mixed in, and it might have been fine except that he was wearing a black plastic doublet that appeared to have been constructed entirely of lampshades. I thought, "Well, he's a good skater, but his taste needs improvement."
Then I saw him do the second program, to some piece called "Once upon a Time In America," wearing an outfit that I can only describe as the kind of thing that bullfighters would wear on Mars. Actually, it's more the kind of thing that a male stripper who was doing a bullfighter *routine* would wear in a dive on Mars. I thought, "Well, I'm sure his coaches will work on him."
Then came the exhibition program.
The first sign of trouble was the choice of music--Tom Jones's "Sex Bomb." But that was by no means the last.
Even before he started taking his clothes off he was a disaster--I don't know whether that red jacket he was wearing was leather, vinyl, or PVC plastic, but it was very horrible. Then once the jacket came off you realized he was wearing a foam-rubber suit designed to give him comic-book-super-hero-sized biceps, abs, and pecs. Folks, if you didn't see this, I cannot hope to give you an impression of how horrendously cheesy the overall effect was. I assume they intended this to be comic, but I don't think they ever made it past "brain-shatteringly bizarre."
When he removed the gold lame vest beneath the jacket and we could see the full horror of that foam-rubber suit, he then began striking muscle poses on the ice instead of skating, which is always fun to see. Dude, these people did not pay money for beefcake, especially foam rubber beefcake. To the extent that you are a sex symbol, it is because you can skate. So skate!
And then he took off his pants.
Why? WHY? OH my God WHY??? Why skate around in the tiniest gold lame briefs since *Rocky Horror* (actually, Rocky's briefs are capacious and modest compared to the handkerchief Pleshenko was wrapped in)? Why leap the boards and go climbing into the audience? Why? Why do we need to be staring at your shiny gold crotch wondering whether you're hiding the package or whether it's just cold? WHY????
It has been pointed out to me that this number was probably intended to be a parody of other "beefcake" type exhibition programs, especially Philippe Candeloro's and Victor Petrenko's. Very well. The question is not so much "was it for real" as "was it necessary?" And I submit that the answer is, "Oh for the love of God, NO!!!"
Best commentary on this performance came from Peggy Fleming, on the foam rubber suit: "It makes his feet look very small."
We were pissed off that ABC didn't show the Lithuanian team because we remember them getting robbed at the Four Continents (or was it the Grand Prix final?) last year. How nice to know they got robbed once again this year. Personally, I disliked both the French and Italian programs--A&P for inflicting that GODAWFUL Beethoven medley on the world, and the Italian team for being sooooOOOOOooOOOooooOOOOoooo dramatic. I mean, he wasn't actually yelling "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" but you could tell he wanted to. On the other hand, the Russians were dressed in what appeared to be colorful rags, we couldn't figure out what the concept was on the Canadian team, and...well, I'm gonna hope for a better time at the Olympics, but anyhow, we've always known that the judging in ice dancing is significantly more bought and paid for than in the other events, and there we are. At least none of the ice dancers went out there in nothing but a gold thong and a Wrath of Khan bodysuit. So far as we know.
Back to the Adder's Lair