Women You Won't Be Meeting

I hate to disappoint people. So before you go to all the trouble to find out about Women on Fire, let me first be up front about what's not going to be in here. For instance, there isn't going to be any of this.

You ask me why? Well, I'll tell you. First of all, I've put all kinds of women in this story, but I have not included any women stupid enough to go into battle wearing nothing but a leather bikini and a pair of cowhide legwarmers. I'm sure she's planning to distract her adversary by displaying her bare flesh, but if her opponent should have other things on his mind, I can't see her leaving a battle in anything other than a bucket. Second, I don't know who does her hair, but in my universe, the Meredith Baxter Birney thing never caught on. And Ideire has very strict restrictions on the importation of polymers, plastics, and other synthetics, so whatever she're using to make that brassiere adhere to her nipples is probably proscribed material.

Here's something else you won't be seeing much: The Damsel in Distress. There are a lot of women in this story, and a lot of them do end up in various forms of distress. But that "Help me, Conan!" thing she has going on there...no, there won't be much of that. If you're an Ideiren woman, and you're in distress, you don't just sit there in an attitude of helpless yet fetching despair and look off into the distance to see if your rescuer has arrived. You get up and set yourself free; or, if that's impractical, you think up ways to make your captors sorry they ever messed with you.

And anyhow, when you are rescued, it won't be by these guys.

Because frankly, large sharp metal objects are not really what WOF is about. So although there are armies and there will be a certain amount of battling done, it's not going to be the main focus--and it's not going to be done according to the rules and conventions governing courtly warfare in medieval Europe. Wars in Ideire are not a matter of ritual or recreation; they're deadly serious, and they're dirty. Which is another reason why you don't want to go into battle dressed up for a day at the tanning salon.

 

 

But of course what it really comes down to is that there just isn't going to be be a whole lot of this.

There are a lot of men in Ideire; there are even a lot of women who like men in Ideire. But there are also a lot of women who are a lot more interested in other women, whether as lovers, fighters, colleagues, or enemies. And those are the ones who get to do most of the interesting stuff. So there isn't going to be a great deal of "She sighed as he seized her in his strong, manly arms, her haughty resolve at last overcome by the volcanic eruption of his passion. Could this be? Eraine, daughter of the Grand High King of the Purple Dragon Eaters, swooning in the hot embrace of a mere mercenary soldier?" type stuff. Sorry.

So if you were looking for all that, you've come to the wrong place. If you weren't, then congratulations, and have I got a series for you.

 

 

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