It's Friday night,
Mulder's sprawled out on the couch.
The TV light
Shows up his stubble and his slouch.
Lonely, bored, and prob'ly drunk,
Watching porn and eating junk,
I can't believe that Scully
Wastes her whole life on this punk...

And I can't
Wait any more for
Her to get lucky
I got a deal for
You Agent Scully
Hey, Agent Scully--
Why don't you love me?
Why don't you love me?
Why don't you love me?

Her friends should tell her
Girl, you know he's just a guy.
You're ten times smarter,
About a million times as fly.
Why get depressed and lonely too
Waiting for him to get a clue
When some nice girl like me could
Make those handcuffs work for you...

And I'll play
Doctor with Scully
Floating above me
In the halogen lamp
Of the Quantico morgue
My Agent Scully
Hovering above me,
Like Quincy, but hotter,
Pensive and solemn,
Hey, Agent Scully--
Why don't you love me?
Why don't you love me?
Why don't you love me?

So cool and so smart,
She's dissected my heart,
And I'm falling apart
Would I have to be dead
To turn her pretty head?
Could I get her instead
Into some hospital bed...

(ohhhhhhhhhhh)

I would respect her
For her brains and her beauty.
And I would teach her
All about anatomy.
A guy who'd trust that Fowley hag--
Why it's enough to make you gag.
Come on, interrogate me,
Bring your little ol' black bag--

It's Sunday night
I am curled up in my room.
The TV light
Fills my heart like a balloon.
I hold it in as best I can.
I know I'm just another fan.
Still can't help feeling i could
Love a secret agent man...

And I can't
Wait any more for
Him to discover me
I got it bad for
David Duchovny
David Duchovny
Why won't you love me
Why won't you love me
Why won't you love me

 My friends all tell me
Girl, you know it's just a show.
But deep within his eyes
I see me wrapped up like a bow.
Watching the skies for a sign.
The FBI is on my mind.
Waiting for the day
When my lucky stars align

In the form of
David Duchovny
Floating above me
In the alien light
Of the spaceship of love
David Duchovny
Hovering above me
American Heathcliff
Brooding and comic
David Duchovny
Why won't you love me
Why won't you love me
Why won't you love me

So smug and so smart
He's abducted my heart
And I'm falling apart
From those looks I receive
From those eyes I can't leave
You could say I'm naive
But he told me to believe

(ooooooooh)

My bags are packed,
I am ready for my flight.
To put an end to
Daydream days and sleepless nights
Sitting like a mindless clone.
Wishing he would tap my phone
Just to hear the whisper -
the man, the myth, the monotone...