The Plaid Adder
Comments:plaidder@mindspring.com
To Timothy Goebels, who must have paid off the judges in order to get the gold for that program. OK, the other guys didn't exactly skate clean either; but for all the hoo-ha about Tim working on his artistry, I don't notice any discernable improvement. If he's been training as intensively about this as his publicist says he is, then he must just have no musicality at all. Plus, he gets extra thief points for using Henry V, which was done earlier (and better) by my favorite American guy skater ever, Paul Wylie.
PLAGUE UPON THIS LAND AWARD:
The quad. I said it before, I'll say it again: it's doing a great deal more harm than good. If the most athletic guys out there can only land the thing once or twice in a career, why don't they just ban it so the guys can stop falling on their asses and start doing real programs again?
GEORGE LUCAS MEMORIAL I'VE GOT A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS AWARD:
The Hartzells. Is it me? Am I the only one who thinks the brother/sister pair team thing is a little strange? I mean, it's bad enough that the whole idiom of the sport is so predicated on an implied heterosexual romance; they compound this by putting the Hartzell sister in the skimpiest top on the ice. I'm not sayin' their relationship is anything other than fraternal; but something abotu the whole thing kinda makes me a little queasy.
SURYA BONALY MEMORIAL UP YOURS, PANEL OF JUDGES AWARD:
Goes to Angelina Nicodinov, who is finally starting to get some recognition after being ignored for years. Perhaps because Dick Button was absent, the commentators were much more appreciative of her this year than they were last year.
ANGELA NICODINOV MEMORIAL WHAT AM I, CHOPPED LIVER AWARD:
To Matt Savoie, who skated a great program, won the bronze, and was promptly ignored by the commentators, who seemed to be under the impression that Michael Weiss had made it onto the podium instead.
CHEVY LIKE A ROCK AWARD:
To Michelle Kwan, who continues to improve with the passage of time, and who stands out from the others like a pearl among...uh...a bunch of stuff that's not pearls.
CZECHOSLOVAKIA MEMORIAL SOON TO BE ROLLED OVER BY A RUSSIAN TANK AWARD:
To all of the American pairs teams. Guys, if this is the best you can do, the Russians are going to carve you up into strips and boil you up as borscht.
ILYA KULIK MEMORIAL BAD FASHION CHOICES AWARD:
Goes to Todd Eldredge for his black leather(?) doublet with ridges (good on potato chips, less good on Todd).
Back to the Adder's Lair