BLAIRICHEVSKY

by The Plaid Adder
Comments:plaidder@mindspring.com

Y'all have all heard, I hope, about how Colin Powell's presentation to the UN relied on a British intelligence report that turned otu to have been plagiarized without attribution from academic articles, and which presented analysis of the Iraq situation in 1991 as if it were up-to-date information. Anyhow, in honor of this little debacle, I wrote up a new version of Tom Lehrer's classic routine about plagiarism in the world of mathematics, "Lobachevsky." Here it is:

BLAIRICHEVSKY

Who made me the big shot that I am today,
The Iraqi expert who others all quote?
Who is the genius who made me that way?
The one who'll soon lose a no-confidence vote.

One man deserves the credit! One man deserves the blame!
Antonio Poodleovich Blairichevsky is his name!
Anotnio Poodleovich Blairichev...

I am never forget the day I first meet the great Tony Blair.
In one word he revealed to me secret of success in international warmongering.

Plagiarize!
Let no one else's work evade your eyes!
Remember why the good Lord made your eyes!
So don't shade your eyes!
But plagiarize! Plagiarize! Plagiarize!

Only remember always to call it please, "intelligence."

And who deserves the credit?
And who deserves the blame?
Antonio Poodleovich Blairichevsky is his name!
Antonio Poodleovich Blairichev...

I am never forget the day I received assignment for first intelligence briefing.

It was on the probabilistic assessment of Iraqi capabilities for weaponizing biological and chemical agents. Bozhe moi!

This I know from nothing.

But I think of great Blairichevsky and I get idea, a ha!

I have friend at Rand
Who has a friend who's banned
From institute
For theft astute
Of work by other hand.
Who knows, through CIA,
Kid from UCLA,
Who wrote one time
an essay fine
On exact same problem for Polisci 109!

And then begins the fun!
From UCLA down through TIA,
By old NSC through new HSD,
From Ari to Larry to Rush to Bush to me the news will run!
Yes, to me the news will run!

And so I cut And paste and put
New captions soon
In speech balloons
Powell takes my dossier to the UN
And tells them, "We have smoking gun!"

And who taught me the ways of world and brought me wealth and fame?
Antonio Poodleovich Blairichevsky is his name!
Antonio Poodleovich Blairichev...I am never forget the day

My first report was declassified.
Every factoid I stole from somewhere else.
List of prohibited chemical agents I copied from old Lockheed-Martin shipping manifest.
Fox Fair and Balanced News Channel bought the film rights
And made it as special prime-time report entitled "The Eternal Warmongle" starring Bill O'Reilly as the Shutupamoose.

And who deserves the credit?
And who deserves the blame?
Antonio Poodelovich Blairichevsky is his name!
Antonio Poodleovich Blairichevsky is his name!

I have already apologized to Tom Lehrer,

The PLaid Adder

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