Dear Disgruntled Voter,
We are pleased to inform you
because there's no point to giving you your payola unless you know who's your daddy
that the United States Congress passsed and President George W. Bush signed into law
because Cheney's secretary had misplaced the rubber signature stamp, and Dubya happened to be passing through the office that day
the Economic Growth and Tax Relief Reconciliation Act of 2001
the Save My Ass By Placating The Rich Act of Desperation
which provides long-term tax relief for all Americans who pay income taxes.
especially for those Americans who have enough outside income to be able to afford to take advantage of the brand-new provision which allows them to put up their entire annual salary in a 401K, thus rendering the entire salary completely tax-exempt.
The new tax law provides immediate tax relief in 2001
The new tax law allows the president to distribute free money, candy, and ponies to all potential voters in hopes of making them forget that he was not actually democratically elected as such
and long-term tax relief for
the rich in
the years to come.
As part of the
bribe
immediate tax relief, you will be receiving a
bribe
check in the amount of $300.00 during the week
pretty soon after this one, which makes one wonder why we went to the trouble and expense of doing two mailings when we could have done one, but we thought if we made the whole thing more like Publishers' Clearinghouse you'd like us better
Your amount is based on information you submitted on your 2000 federal tax return and is just the first installment
Hey! We know $300 is chump change! We've got more goodies in the sack for you! Just be patient! We've got enough chocolate bunnies for everyone!
of the long-term
bribe
tax relief provided
to the rich
by the new
bribe
law. The amount of the
bribe
check could be reduced by any outstanding federal debt you owe, such as past due child support or federal or state income taxes. You need to take no additional steps.
You are already a winner!
Your
bribe
check will be mailed to you.
Don't worry, we'll get the money back when we reduce your tax refund next year.
You will not be required to report the amount as taxable income on your federal tax return.
We put that in just to make it more like a real bribe!
Wanna see last week's critique? Go here.
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